In our society today there is a high rate of divorce due to the fact that many of the young couples marry for the wrong reason, a vast majority of the failed marriages in our society today is as a result of many getting married for the wrong reason. Below are the top ten wrong reasons for getting married.
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To spite parents.
Accept it or not, many people get married in order to spite or get back at their parents. “I’m so sick and weary of having to do everything they tell me! I’ll show them! I don’t have to stay around here anymore!” They may resent their parents’ commands or abrade under their parents’ control. They may be offended over their parents’ rejection of their associates, especially that special boyfriend or girlfriend. That rage or irritation may motivate them to do something stupid, like getting married without considering it through. Even though they may know nothing concerning marriage, they jump at the opportunity because they see it as an immediate way to get out from under their parents’ limitations. Marrying to spite one’s parents is a stupid reason to get married. That marriage is headed for conflict right away. The dominant emotion is negative hatred, anger, resentment, and not conducive for a healthy long-term marriage or relationship. Qualities crucial to success, such as love, dedication, and trustworthiness, are either missing or take a secondary purpose behind the primary motivation of spite. A person who marries out of spite views his or her spouse not as a lover, companion, and friend, as much as a medium of freedom from domineering parents. That is inadequate grounds upon which to establish a pleasant and flourishing marriage.
2. To escape an unhappy home.
This is similar to the first wrong reason. Many people grow up in unhappy or stressful home conditions, and all they want to do is escape. There may be physical, oral, or sexual violation involved. One or both parents may be addicted to liquor or drugs. Homelife may be a continuous invocation of anger, yelling, insulting, and arguing. Whatever the reason, some youthful people are desperate to get away from home and oftentimes see marriage as their means out. This is remarkably silly and stupid. The longing to escape an unhappy home life is no reason to get married. If you honestly must getaway, then go out and get a job, get an apartment, and move out on your own. People who marry in line to escape unusually find what they are looking for. In the end, they easily interchange one kind of sorrow for another.
3. A negative self-image.
Unfortunately, many people get married in anticipation that it will make them feel useful and give purpose to their life. Their self-image is so low that they continually need someone else to assert their worth and tell them that they are all right. A marriage founded on this basis is in dispute before it even gets working. A spouse who enters marriage with a negative self-image comes into that relationship as only half a person. If both people have self-image predicaments, they are certainly in for a turbulent time. A healthy marriage brings two entities together, not two moieties, creating a union that is more prominent than the sum of its parts. Two people who come together and who are overconfident of their own self-worth and content in their personal uniqueness can build a happy, flourishing, and significant marriage. Marriage will not solve the problem of a negative self-image. Marriage amplifies the weaknesses in our character and reveals our self-concept. It will only make it worse. We all must discover our sense of self-worth in our relationship with Christ, in our uniqueness as beloved offspring of God and beneficiaries to His Kingdom: Valuable souls created in God’s image for whom Jesus died. Truly recognizing that we are members of the “royal family” will influence how we think, sense, and behave. That is the antidote for a negative self-image.
4. Marrying on the rebound.
This reason is almost associated with the last one. People who have been abused in a former relationship or marriage usually feel pessimistic, depressed, and discouraged, with their self-esteem lying in the dirt. They are fast to jump precipitate into a new relationship with the first person who comes along extending commiseration or concern. By this, they hope not only to reduce their pain but show to themselves that there is nothing wrong with them. You don’t have to get married to show that you are all right; there are other means to do that. It gets back to the self-image problem. If you’re okay, you’re okay; marriage won’t change that one way or the other. The dilemma with marrying on the rebound is that it is not a marriage of love, but of convenience. You’re hurting and denying yourself, and along comes someone who commiserates with you and shows sympathy. Both of you may confuse this for true love and make a fast conclusion to get married. In actuality, however, no love is included. For you, it is only a marriage of convenience, a “quick and straightforward” way out of your dilemma. Don’t fall for it. A “rebound” marriage is doomed for stress.
5. Fear of being left out.
This fear affects both men and women but points to hit women harder than men, especially as they get more aged. Even in our present-day society, a woman’s understanding of worth is connected to marriage, home, and family more so than is a man’s. Many women begin to get bothered if they reach the age of 30 and still are not married. Sometimes fear sets in. “What am I going to do? Everybody’s becoming married except me! All of my associates are married. I’m the only one out of my graduating class who isn’t married. What’s wrong with me?” With this mindset, some women will seize the first guy who comes along and displays any interest in her. He may not be any good for her, but that doesn’t mean. He may be an inadequate character predetermined to be a deficiency in her life, but she doesn’t see that. She’s desperate! All she sees is that he is engrossed in her. Even if he is only taking advantage of her, she persuades herself that he loves her and that she loves him. When he raises the question, she says, “Thank God!” and accepts gladly. The only difficulty is that God had nothing to do with it. Her rush and fear of becoming an “old maid” have pushed her into a bad settlement. Men make the corresponding mistake. Trembling the concept of being a bachelor all their lives, some men marry women who are not appropriate for them. Fear of being left out makes many men and women settle for a marriage that is less than what they could have possessed if they had been patient and believed God. When a person marries out of worry of being left out, one of two situations usually occurs. Either the marriage breaks up, or they “grin and endure it,” too ashamed to admit to the world, and particularly to their friends and family, that they made a mistake. Either way, the happiness they sought escapes them, and all they know is misfortune instead.
6. Fear of independence.
Many people grow up so dependent on their parents that when they become adults and face the possibility of being out on their own, they get married in order to have someone else to depend on. Many times the parents carry the burden for their children’s dependency. Whether intentionally or not, they maintain on doing everything for their children, never instructing them how to probe or work for themselves. Some parents have an affinity to always think of their children as “my baby,” and aspire to hold onto them forever. Children who grow up dependent on their parents usually enter marriage anticipating their spouse to take responsibility for them and provide the same immunity they have perpetually known. The first time they have to stand up and be independent, they break because they never acquired how. Once they are faced with the obligation of handling duties they never had to bother about before, some of them can’t deal with it. No one who is scared of independence is set to get married. Successful marriage demands that both husband and wife be satisfied and competent in independence.
7. Fear of hurting the other person.
This happens more frequently than we would like to acknowledge. Let’s say a young man and a young woman have been dating for a while. She begins to talk about marriage but he isn’t so certain. Even though he understands that he does not love her and understands that marriage is not the solution, he’s scared of what will happen if he ends the relationship with her. Maybe she has said more than once, “If you leave me, I’ll just die!” or even more ominously, “If you ever leave me, I’ll kill myself!” Since he doesn’t know how to let her down comfortably and doesn’t want to hurt her, he proposes to marry her. These roles could just as effortlessly be turned, with the man embedding pressure on his girlfriend who isn’t sure what to do. One reason this problem crops up is that some people do not know the various levels of friendship. Just because a guy takes a girl out for ice cream does not indicate they are willing to get married. They are just friends. Everything might be nice until one or the other of them gets carried away and begins to read more into their relationship than is actually there. That person begins to apply pressure until the other one starts to feel guilty and obligated. No marriage stands a chance if it is based on the anxiety of any kind. Don’t get married just because you are afraid of hurting the other person. It is much better for both of you to go through temporary pain now than to get married and set yourselves up for a lifetime of misery.
8. To be a therapist or a counselor for the other person.
It may sound stupid, but this is why some people get married. They feel a sense of obligation for someone who needs the value of their knowledge, guidance, and advocacy. Be cautious. Don’t get carried away. Men, just because a young lady comes to you for counsel doesn’t imply you should marry her. Ladies, just because a young man may solicit your advice doesn’t mean he should become your husband. Marriage is not a conventional forum for therapy. There are other promenades. It is not at all unusual for people in long-term therapy to grow romantic feelings toward their therapist. Vulnerable people are attracted undoubtedly to those they admire as professional personalities, or even as surrogate parents. Professional counselors have to watch out for this kind of thing all the time. A healthy marriage is the joining of a man and a woman as equal companions, both of whom are emotionally prepared and confident in their self-image and personal uniqueness. If you marry someone who is constantly seeing you as a counselor, you will never get any peace and they will drain you emotionally. Vulnerable in his or her own experiences and lacking self-confidence, your spouse will ask you about any and every little thing. Nothing will harm you quicker than a spouse who cannot think for himself or herself, or who will not make any confident resolutions. Don’t get entangled in that trap. No one who needs uninterrupted counseling is ready for marriage.
9. Because of having sex.
There is an old education that says that a man and a woman who have sex are married in truth if not in law. This is simply not correct. We have already seen that sex does not associate with marriage. Sex alone neither initiates nor destroys a marriage. According to God’s intention, sex is proper only within the bonds of marriage. It intensifies and enhances a marriage that has already been authenticated on other customary foundations. Outside of marriage, sex is improper and psychologically damaging, emotionally unhealthy, and sinful. Having sex, therefore, is not a reason to get married; it is a reason to repent. Sexual abstinence is the only proper behavior for unmarried people, and particularly believers.
10. Because of pregnancy is also a wrong reason for getting married.
Becoming pregnant is no more of a reason for getting married than having sex. The age of the “shotgun wedding” is long past. Still, there are some persons who believe that even though sex only does not reason enough for marriage, pregnancy alters things. Without uncertainty, it raises several ethical, honest, and constitutional problems, especially for the father of the child. Even so, the fact of pregnancy only is inadequate grounds for marriage. On the surface, pregnancy is confirmation only of sexual action. It does not positively symbolize the presence of love or loyalty between the man and woman who superfetated the child. Combining the sin and error of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy with the error of a bad marriage is senseless and stupid. It will lead surely to sorrow and misery for everyone involved, and particularly for the naive child caught in the middle of it all. One error won’t put you out of the competition for life. Many people who have conceived and produced children out-of-wedlock later go into happy marriages. Like sex, pregnancy alone is not a basis to get married, but a reason to repent. Even if you never marry the person with whom you conceived the child, God can give the two of you the grace and wisdom to function responsibly for the well-being and health of that child.
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