What is singleness?

I define singleness as a myth. Because our society and the church have thought us all that it’s not good to be single. More so, there is pressure from everyone, even in the church, and this will make you feel uncomfortable if you are unmarried. As soon as you turn 25yrs people will start asking questions like when are you getting married? Do you have anyone in your life yet? Are you a lesbian? Are you gay? All these questions will begin to add pressure on you, and you may start thinking that you are not complected until you are married. Belove that is satanic, and it’s unbiblical, so I am here to enlighten you about understanding the advantage of been single. Most of the people I know who are not married they are unhappy in their state I have come to make you happy about been unmarried, and I’m going to show you from the scripture that God desires for you is not just for you to be single now but for the rest of your life.

So let’s focus on single but yet complete, i.e. understanding the principle of Wholeness, the reason why we have a lot of broken home in our society today is that the couples are not entirely single.

The major form of stress among humans in our society today is relationship problems. Trust me, 90% of the problem around our society is related to relationship issues; i.e. children and parents not getting along with each other, boys and girls not getting along with themselves, husband and wife not getting along together, pastors and politicians confused with members and citizens vice versa; thus everyone has a challenge with human relationship.

The key to a successful relationship is knowledge. Let reflect on this part of the scripture for it has been protecting me as a single and unmarried guy and will keep protecting me for the rest of my life.

Proverbs 24:3-4 – By wisdom, a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge, the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

This is a statement by Solomon almost 4000 years ago; it is the secret to a successful relationship, a successful home, and successful marriage. NB Solomon said that the secret to a successful relationship is not kissing, loving each other, holding hands, or sex. He doesn’t even recognize love as what makes a relationship work.

Most of the people I know who are divorced or had a break up in their relationship still love each other, but they didn’t know how to leave with each other because they lack the understanding of being together and the knowledge of living as one. So when someone told you they love you, it’s not a guarantee that your relationship or marriage with them will work I know you are surprised, but it’s the truth. As a counselor, I have counseled many couples on the verge of divorce, and when I ask them do you still love each other, they say yes and I will always ask why can’t you continue, and both will start giving different complaints. A lot of couples marry because of love, and that same love couldn’t keep them together. So Solomon is right through wisdom a house is built and through understanding, it is established, and through knowledge, its room becomes a pleasant place to live. Some homes are so full of stress that people don’t want to go home they either hide in the church, or they sit in the bar waiting for midnight before going home a home filled with lots of pressure, couples walking around without talking to each other, couple sleeping back to back with each other. That is not a home feel with beautiful treasure and riches but pains, conflict, and stress.

To all the single out there a lot of you have gotten this funny idea that once you get married, you will be happy, I disagree with you because marriage will manifest your defects.

The most important relationship in life is not an inter-personal relationship but an intra-personal relationship. i.e. the most important relationship in your life is not the relationship with other persons but the relationship with yourself. Most of you hate yourself, but you want other people to love you, you can’t get along with yourself, and you want other people to get along with you. Like I normally ask (if you know all you know about you will you marry you?). Self-love is the most important love on earth if you don’t love you why should I?. and self-knowledge is the key to a successful relationship.

Below are some single thoughts about marriage.

1. You don’t need to be married to fulfill God’s purpose in your life. This is a shock for some of you there if no place in the bible were God commands you to be married to fulfill his Will it doses not exist in the scripture but what exists in the scripture is the opposite.

1 Corinthians 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

This is Apostle Paul teaching about the effects of getting married unprepared. A lot of people out there have wonderful dreams and visions, but they marry someone who is not interested in their dreams and vision, and everything in their lives changes.

2. Marriage is a choice and not a requirement. There is no command in the bible for you to get married, so why do Christians feel so bad when they are unmarried? The more you develop yourself, the more blessing you can be to your partner. The lord once said told me the reason why so many people are unmarried is that I’m protecting people from them because a lot of people especially ladies are not prepared they are not valuable, they haven’t developed themselves nor educate themselves. You can marry the wrong person and mess your purpose and vision of your life.
3. Marriage is design only for the earth, not heaven. Jesus said when a man or a woman dies; they go to heaven, there is no marriage in heaven, i.e. no husband or wife in heaven. A lot of men out there haven’t even studied the bible completely, and they want to live with a woman, how can you teach your wife the word when you haven’t acquired it yet.
4. Failure in marriage can drain your purpose. A lot of people have promising dreams like going into business, setting up themselves to be self-employed, wants to start a ministry, and want to write a book and they marry someone who has no interest in their dream, and their purpose was drained.
5. It is better to be unmarried and happy than to be married and depress. Some of you think you are depressed, wait until you get married. If you think marriage is wonderful then talk to some married people who are married, but their marriage isn’t working, St. Paul says do not rush into marriage be sober and if you are unmarried do not desire to be. Some people were happy until they got married, and they are hit with depression, and they became older than their age, please relax and take your time.

To be continued……………..

Follow up on our next article What is the uniqueness of singleness part two 2 for proper understanding.

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