Storge
The Love of Family
Closely linked to phileo, but more close-knit, storge is the word the Greeks used to refer to the love of family relationships. Storge describes the tender affection of parents toward their children and that of children toward their parents. It also takes in the affectionate or close feelings that normally exist between siblings and toward members of one’s extended family: grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews. Storge is more close-knit than phileo because storge has to do with family, and family implies relationship. That is precisely where the key danger lies with this kind of love. Because of the family relationship, we assume that we love our parents and our siblings and that they love us. We take that love for granted; after all, we’re family, aren’t we? Although most of the time that love is genuine, it is still a dangerous assumption. The problem is that being a family does not guarantee a relationship. Being related by blood does not automatically lead to friendship. Consider your relationships, both inside and outside your family. Who are you closest to? Who do you share your most intimate and personal thoughts and feelings with? Who knows you the real you better than anyone else? Is it a family member, or a friend? If we are honest, most of us will admit that we are closer to a friend than we are to members of our own family. Where parents or siblings are concerned, we assume relationship and love because we’re family. If someone were to ask you, “Do you love your parents?” you would probably respond automatically with, “Of course I do.” If your questioner then asked, “Why?” you might answer, “Well…because they are my parents.” That’s the whole point. Even though our love for our parents and our siblings is real, there is still an underlying sense that we love them because we are supposed to. Whenever an unloving feeling arises in us toward any family member, a feeling of guilt usually arises with it. We don’t feel loving, yet at the same time, we feel that we should. From this perspective, then, storge is similar to phileo in that it can easily foster a sense of obligation. We love, not because we want to but because we have to. Obligation produces pressure, pressure produces stress, and sustained stress endangers any relationship. If we are involved in such a conditional relationship we feel guilty every time we fail to live up to our obligation, and angry, bitter, or resentful when other people fail to live up to theirs. Once again, as with phileo, we are back to expectations and conditions. The love of family represented by storge is not limited to blood relations. It is quite common for people in the Church who believe in and follow Christ as Savior and Lord to refer to themselves collectively as members of the “family” of God and to regard each other as brothers and sisters in the Lord. This view is entirely consistent with the teaching of God’s Word. In Galatians 6:10 Paul speaks of “the family of believers.” Hebrews 2:11 says that all who are “made holy” by Jesus are His brothers and members of His family. In First Peter 4:17 Peter refers to believers as “the family of God.” Because of this sense of family, communities of believers face the same temptations as “blood” families do assume relationship, allowing familiarity to cause them to take each other for granted, and developing a mindset of obligation. In this regard it would be helpful for believers to think of each other not only as a family but also as friends, thus opening the way for greater intimacy and deeper relationships. Despite the risk of developing a mindset motivated by a sense of obligation, storge is nonetheless an important and beneficial dynamic in human experience, both in “blood” families and the family of believers. The love of family is fundamental to the peace and stability of any society. The family is the basic building block of society, and if families fall apart, society will soon follow. The love of family is fundamental to the peace and stability of any society.
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