What is this thing called “love”?
Probably no other dimension of human experience has been pondered, discussed, debated, analyzed, and dreamed about more than the nature of true love. Love is everywhere in our songs and in our books, on our televisions, and on our movie screens. Talk of love is always on the tips of our tongues, never far from our thoughts or our conversation. Yet, for all our thinking and talking, for all our discussion and debating, how many of us truly understand love? Do we know what true love is? Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, a 17th-century French author, and moralist, made an astute observation when he wrote, “True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.” Where can we turn for genuine knowledge in matters of true love? The world offers many different concepts of love, but are they reliable? Western popular culture tends to equate love with warm feelings, physical attraction, and sexual activity. This view of love is hammered into our brains every day through the books and magazines we read, the songs we listen to, and the movies and television shows we watch. The epidemic of broken relationships failed marriages, and sundered families that characterize so much of our modern society should tell us that something is terribly wrong with the way we look at love. The best way to learn anything is to consult an expert. If we wish to improve our golf game, we go to a golf pro; if we desire to play the piano, we study under a qualified teacher. Who is the expert on love? No one understands love better than God. Not only did God create love and establish it as a central foundation stone of human experience, but according to the Bible, God Himself is love (see 1 Jn. 4:8,16). Love defines God’s very nature. What then does God say about love? Contrary to the common assumption of the world in general, love, as presented in the Bible, is not primarily an emotion, but an attitude of the heart. Emotions are not subject to command; no one can be ordered how to feel about a certain person or thing. Yet, throughout the Bible, the Lord commands His people to love. Biblical love is a command. Consider these examples: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength (Deuteronomy 6:5). Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord (Leviticus 19:18). But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44). A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another (John 13:34). My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you (John 15:12). Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law (Romans 13:8). The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Galatians 5:14). Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:37-40).
If we are commanded to love, how do we carry it out? What does it mean to love God? What does it mean to love another person? These are very important questions that cut right to the heart of meaningful relationships. So many relationships today fail because of an inadequate concept and understanding of love. Love is not primarily an emotion, but an attitude of the heart. Part of the problem, at least in the English-speaking world, is the limitations of our language. In English, we have only one basic word for love, and we, therefore, use it to describe our feelings or attitude toward a wide range of objects. We say, “I love cheesecake,” or “I love my dog,” but we also say, “I love my children,” and “I love my wife,” or “I love my husband.” We “love” to go to the beach or the park or somewhere else. In all of these cases, we use the same word “love” to describe feelings and attitudes that are vastly different in scope and degree. Hopefully, our “love” for cheesecake is not on the same par as our love for our children or spouse! Many other languages are not as restrictive as English in their words for love, particularly Hebrew and Greek, the original languages of the Bible. The ancient Greeks used four different words for love phileo, storge, eros, and agape—with each word identifying a separate and distinct type or degree of love. Only two of these words phileo and agape are found in the New Testament, but examining all four “loves” will help us better understand what true love is as well as what it is not.
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